pelvic pain vaginismus vulvodynia

” So how did it go? “

The twentieth visit to the doctor isn’t as fun as the first. Oh wait, no visit has ever been fun. From the waiting room full of women looking at two year old magazines, to the smaller waiting room with those loathsome metal stirrups, I’m over it. I’m over the redundant forms, the scale, the oh-so-trendy paper gowns, and excess lube that seems to haunt me for the rest of the day.

Why am I here? Again? Oh yes, now I remember. My vagina feels like someone is cutting it with a sharp knife whenever I try to sleep with my husband. Each and every visit, I enter the exam room full of hope that maybe this time the doctor will have something new to offer. But I always leave with that hope dashed, having heard the same unhelpful nonsense that I always hear.

What is this called? Am I the only one who has this? Who even knows?? Hell, my doctor doesn’t even know. How many times are you going to test me for STD’s? That’s a doctors reaction to nearly everything when you are in your 20’s. So after a fruitless twenty minute discussion, we end with the hollow advice to “drink some wine and take some Advil.”  Then I’m given a prescription for an expensive cream containing harsh medications that I can’t even pronounce.

And after filling said prescriptions, I discover that putting a cream on the opening of the vagina isn’t really an easy task. I apologize for the visual.

I sigh as I get into my car and sink down into the seat. Another appointment, another prescription. I turn on the car and call my husband on my Bluetooth. He cheerfully picks up and says “Hey Babe, how did it go?”


  1. I can relate to this far more than I’d like, the constant suspicions the doctors have of pregnancy and STDs, oh the irony. The common response of “just relax” (usually accompanied with the wine recommendation) is one of the worst, total insensitivity. Keep persisting, eventually there must be something that will work for us both, and I look forward to hearing about that day 🙂

    1. I’m just learning how this blog works!!! Sorry it took so long to respond. Tonight is my first time figuring out how to respond.
      I actually am wanting to tell my story, which includes something that helped me so much I made it for the world to try. I’ve been working on it for almost two years since it helped my vulvodynia tremendously. Hope to keep you entertained with my post. Have a great night !

  2. I hope you start writing again! I love your voice and style and I can already tell we’ve had similar experiences. I hope you’ve had some success in treatment since this post.

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